Dear person who doesn’t understand,
Close your eyes and imagine you have tons of bricks laying on top of you. You’re paralyzed, and no matter how hard you try to push the bricks off, you cannot get them off. Well, that is how I feel every morning trying to get out of bed.
Still don’t understand?
OK, you are in the middle of the ocean and trying to float because swimming is too exhausting. You are panicking, constantly kicking your feet, flapping your arms and hands, breathing rapidly and you begin to drown, but you never actually drown. You are only able to hold your head above the water but the kicking, flapping and rapid breathing does not stop. Your mind is racing but you cannot control it.
Do you understand now? Not yet. Let me give this another shot.
You are emotionally, mentally and physically drained all the time. You have absolutely no energy. You are in pain and it never goes away. You do not have an appetite so you do not eat. Some days you sleep too much and other days you do not sleep at all. You have feelings of sadness, but it’s more than the blues; it is a dark place and you cannot seem to find the tunnel to get just a little bit of light. You are extremely irritable and have difficulty concentrating on simple tasks. Thoughts of death pass through your mind every second, every minute that turn into days, weeks and then months. At one point you were able to suppress the thoughts but you can no longer suppress them. You want to put yourself to sleep for a few days but, if you are really honest with yourself, you never want to wake up.
Do you understand? A little better. Ok, I’ll take it.